He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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