Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize