The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
