...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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