I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
