How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
