is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
