I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize