I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
