He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i will never coherently bang her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
