my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
