yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
