Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
