i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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