Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
