i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
