Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
