just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This toilet bowl is my home.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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