I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
