I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
