she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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