i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
