It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize