My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
