beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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