In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
