You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
