I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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