You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize