I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize