Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize
