Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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