"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
