i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
