i would punch a child for taco bell
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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