I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
