Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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