My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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