You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize