The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
