Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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