This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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