Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
