Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
