if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
