1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
