Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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