I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
