she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
