My friends, they love my intelligence
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
