He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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