Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize