I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
