it was like his penis was on wheels.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
