Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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