and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
