Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
