Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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