You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
