So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
