dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize