Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
