if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm at about main and main street
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
