I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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