Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
