Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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