FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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