I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my poor anus
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
