Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize