the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
