Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
