I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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