woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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