what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
