i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
