it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
