Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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