I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
