Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
