he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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