i already hear my dad disowning me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
