Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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