Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
