just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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