Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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