Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize