I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
